Marathon training consumes many of my days. At this point it’s like another job. It’s a job I have enjoyed very much because the end game is to raise money to give people access to basic needs we so take for granted: water, sanitation, and education.

Which is why today has me feeling defeated. Today I was supposed to run 18 miles. Right before I hit mile 14 my ankle started to hurt. And it wasn’t soreness, it was a pain that I couldn’t ignore. After texting my husband that I was stretching and sitting out for a few minutes, I tried running again and the pain became unbearable.

The picture above is me trying to keep it together, determined to see this as a minor setback. As soon as my husband and kids picked me up I began sobbing. My mind instantly raced. My marathons dreams dwindling away. My anxiety and depression taking over in waves. See, God used this goal of raising money for a cause I so love while also blessing me greatly in bringing my mental health to a stable place. And in those moments? Well, I felt it all leaving. Gone. Out of nowhere. Things should have gone differently. Not like this.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence I found myself in front of the church building where I work and we attend. It’s a place where I grieve and find joy well. I felt both in this moment and continue to feel both even as I write this post tonight. Grief because I’m not sure what’s going to happen since I’m still in quite a bit of pain, joy because I know I serve a God who redeems and meets us in our low points in the most beautiful, creative ways.

Please know I am not writing this post because I want any sympathy. My writing comes from a place of wanting people to know they’re not alone. When it’s all said and done, I love my life and know that whether I run a marathon, half marathon, 10k, or cheer on my team on October 6, I’ll be fine. However, it’s very real to feel loss when things don’t go as planned. And I guess what I want to let everyone know is it’s okay to feel all of your feelings. So often we minimize things and let them build. Get it out, man. If you’re looking to cry, watch Disney/Pixar’s Coco. We did tonight and I sobbed until five minutes after the movie. My cheapest therapy session to date.

One more piece of advice I have to anyone training for anything is to listen to your body. This all could have turned out much worse for me if I didn’t stop when I did. Thanks to my friends on Team World Vision and my brother for that advice.

Thanks for listening, fam! Oh and still donate to World Vision, please! You can click on this link here. Don’t think I won’t keep asking for donations over a setback, y’all. I’m still #teamworldvision all the way. And really, it’s a good cause, so please do so if you can 🤗